With the New Year right around the corner, I've started reflecting on 2011 and looking ahead to 2012. I've already got a few resolutions and would like to share them with you.
1. See the eye doctor and dentist. I've never, ever been to the eye doctor and I haven't been to the dentist in well over ten years. I always hear that these two doctors are the most expensive in terms of their "cures", which explains why I avoid them. But I pay for vision and dental insurance so why not make an appointment and just make sure everything is A-OK?
2. Along the lines of numero uno, I have some lingering foot problems and I need to get to the podiatrist to get them checked out. I'm not looking forward to this one!
3. Continue making better food choices. I've lost 4 pounds this month (YAY!) just by making simple changes to my diet. I fill up on whole grains, like oatmeal or brown rice. If I'm hungry after dinner, I reach for apple sauce instead of cereal or candy. I snack on fresh veggies rather than chips. It's simple, common sense stuff but hey! It's working.
4. Be more optimistic. Ugh...this one is going to be hard. I'm a hardcore pessimist. My first challenge for being optimistic will be the annual ski trip to Michigan with my in-laws. Wish me luck!
So these are my goals for the new year. I would love to hear about yours!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
I need therapy
This blog is cheaper than a therapist, right? I sure hope so because I've got a lot going on and I need to hash it out. Please, feel free to leave a comment (even if you tell me I'm completely crazy!).
So here's what's up. This time of year brings lots o' time spent with the in-laws. I do like my in-laws, I really do. But I find them extremely annoying when it comes to Colin. My MIL always makes comments about how I spoil Colin and I feel like she's silently judging my parenting skills. She doesn't understand that Mark and I, together as Colin's parents, made a decision to follow the attachment parenting technique. Which means *ding, ding, ding* HE IS ATTACHED TO US. We are his safety, not a blanket or a toy. Yes, it is usually me more than Mark that he "wants" but every child goes through this stage.
In a few weeks, we'll be traveling 8 hours to Michigan to spend a week with them. I honestly do not know how I am mentally and emotionally going to get through it. I sincerely hope I don't have to get harsh with my in-laws but I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm going to have to put them in their place. I hate saying that because my personality is so anti-confrontation but they are pushing the limits.
So I'm curious...how do I learn to let my in-laws love Colin as much as I do while also getting them to understand that I am the parent, not them?
So here's what's up. This time of year brings lots o' time spent with the in-laws. I do like my in-laws, I really do. But I find them extremely annoying when it comes to Colin. My MIL always makes comments about how I spoil Colin and I feel like she's silently judging my parenting skills. She doesn't understand that Mark and I, together as Colin's parents, made a decision to follow the attachment parenting technique. Which means *ding, ding, ding* HE IS ATTACHED TO US. We are his safety, not a blanket or a toy. Yes, it is usually me more than Mark that he "wants" but every child goes through this stage.
In a few weeks, we'll be traveling 8 hours to Michigan to spend a week with them. I honestly do not know how I am mentally and emotionally going to get through it. I sincerely hope I don't have to get harsh with my in-laws but I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm going to have to put them in their place. I hate saying that because my personality is so anti-confrontation but they are pushing the limits.
So I'm curious...how do I learn to let my in-laws love Colin as much as I do while also getting them to understand that I am the parent, not them?
Friday, December 23, 2011
How I know I am a working mother
Today my MIL came over to watch Colin while Mark and I were at work.
Picture me at 7:25 AM (roughly 5 minutes before she was due to arrive) rushing around making sure every last item was picked up and every surface was clean. Colin was in one of his "OMG dontyoudareputmedown!" moods so I was toting him (and a sippy cup full of milk) on my hip during my whirlwind. All the jostling around must have upset his stomach because before I knew it, he was burping. A lot. I thought "Please don't throw up" and then it happened.
Curdled whole milk spewed out of his mouth, down his bib, on to his shirt and pants...and landed right on the side of my sweater.
I handed him to my husband, who I thought would wipe him off so I could wipe myself off. Unfortunately, my husband just stood there with a dumb look on his face while I quickly wiped off my sweater. Then he kindly handed Colin back for me to wipe up. Fan-freakin'-tastic helping skills that man has.
I changed Colin's clothes faster than I ever have because I mean, I can't let my picture perfect MIL smell curled milk on him. She arrived just as I pulled the shirt over his head. Perfect timing!
Mark and I rushed around some more to get ready to leave for work and in the hustle and bustle, I forgot to change MY OWN SHIRT and I didn't even realize it until I took my coat off at work.
Now picture me sitting in my cubicle all day, every so often getting a whiff of the curdled milk.
I just hope no one noticed!
Picture me at 7:25 AM (roughly 5 minutes before she was due to arrive) rushing around making sure every last item was picked up and every surface was clean. Colin was in one of his "OMG dontyoudareputmedown!" moods so I was toting him (and a sippy cup full of milk) on my hip during my whirlwind. All the jostling around must have upset his stomach because before I knew it, he was burping. A lot. I thought "Please don't throw up" and then it happened.
Curdled whole milk spewed out of his mouth, down his bib, on to his shirt and pants...and landed right on the side of my sweater.
I handed him to my husband, who I thought would wipe him off so I could wipe myself off. Unfortunately, my husband just stood there with a dumb look on his face while I quickly wiped off my sweater. Then he kindly handed Colin back for me to wipe up. Fan-freakin'-tastic helping skills that man has.
I changed Colin's clothes faster than I ever have because I mean, I can't let my picture perfect MIL smell curled milk on him. She arrived just as I pulled the shirt over his head. Perfect timing!
Mark and I rushed around some more to get ready to leave for work and in the hustle and bustle, I forgot to change MY OWN SHIRT and I didn't even realize it until I took my coat off at work.
Now picture me sitting in my cubicle all day, every so often getting a whiff of the curdled milk.
I just hope no one noticed!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Optimism - Day 1
Today I followed rule number nine: decide to be happy.
As the article says, I woke up today and told myself that it would be a good day. I vowed to not let anything bring me down.
I believe I'll be making this part of my every morning routine...right before my coffee :)
As the article says, I woke up today and told myself that it would be a good day. I vowed to not let anything bring me down.
- Colin screamed while I put on his coat...no biggie. It may have taken a few seconds longer, but it was on.
- I got cut off on the way to daycare. D*ckhead move, but whatever. I didn't get in a wreck so all was well.
I believe I'll be making this part of my every morning routine...right before my coffee :)
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Half full or half empty?
I am very much a pessimistic person. My proverbial glass is always half empty. I forever want more out of my life and sometimes find it hard to be truly thankful for what I have…not because I am not grateful for my job, family, home and health…but because I want all of that and more.
Ever since having Colin, all I want to do is stay home with him. I hate that he is the first kid at daycare and the last to be picked up. I hate that someone else gets to watch him grow up and see all the funny things he does during the day. Every pay day I am reminded that I work to basically cover health insurance and daycare expenses. I complain to Mark that I'm unhappy but that doesn't get me anywhere because I know he can't change it right now and he just ends up unhappy. It's a vicious cycle.
Are you catching on to how this fuels my pessimism?
Today...while sitting all by my miserable self at my miserable job...I decided that I have had enough. Enough negativity. Enough of feeling down on myself. It is high time that I flip the switch and gain some optimism for a change! I came upon this article and decided I am going to follow all the steps. It's kind of like an early New Year's Resolution, if you will.
Each day (or as regularly as I can) I will write about how I did at least one of the steps that day. Hopefully this will keep me accountable to actually go through with it!
Ever since having Colin, all I want to do is stay home with him. I hate that he is the first kid at daycare and the last to be picked up. I hate that someone else gets to watch him grow up and see all the funny things he does during the day. Every pay day I am reminded that I work to basically cover health insurance and daycare expenses. I complain to Mark that I'm unhappy but that doesn't get me anywhere because I know he can't change it right now and he just ends up unhappy. It's a vicious cycle.
Are you catching on to how this fuels my pessimism?
Today...while sitting all by my miserable self at my miserable job...I decided that I have had enough. Enough negativity. Enough of feeling down on myself. It is high time that I flip the switch and gain some optimism for a change! I came upon this article and decided I am going to follow all the steps. It's kind of like an early New Year's Resolution, if you will.
Each day (or as regularly as I can) I will write about how I did at least one of the steps that day. Hopefully this will keep me accountable to actually go through with it!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Just some videos
Just a couple videos of Colin I wanted to share because he is just so stinkin' cute and funny!
He was so excited when we told him he was going to a pool party!
This is the best I could do to get his dance moves on video. The kid can't help but dance whenever he hears any type of music. Once I asked him if he's going to be the next Justin Bieber and have girls screaming "OHMIGOD IT'S COLIN TESTA!". His response was to laugh and shake his head "No". Good answer, buddy!
He was so excited when we told him he was going to a pool party!
This is the best I could do to get his dance moves on video. The kid can't help but dance whenever he hears any type of music. Once I asked him if he's going to be the next Justin Bieber and have girls screaming "OHMIGOD IT'S COLIN TESTA!". His response was to laugh and shake his head "No". Good answer, buddy!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Birthday week - Part 4. Colin's party!
Here's a recap of our week:
Wednesday: My birthday, complete with new hair cut!
Thursday: Thanksgiving. Colin gets sick, Thanksgiving gets ruined (not really, I just thought it was a funny line!)
Friday: Colin's first birthday. He is still sick and not amused by any type of birthday celebration.
On Saturday the 26th, we were having about 30 people over for his party. Mark and I went back and forth about whether to cancel the party or not. The night before, we decided that if he still had a fever in the morning, we would cancel the party. Luckily around 3 AM, his fever broke. Hallelujah!
Around 11:30, I gave Colin a final dose of Tylenol and put him down for a nap, hoping he would finally get some much needed rest. He woke up about an hour later sc.re.am.ing. He wasn't just upset, he was completely pissed off! I looked at Mark and said "We've got to cancel the party. We can't have everyone over with him acting this way". Turns out, the kid was just hungry. He ate a big lunch and was, once again, my sweet baby boy. So we finished the party prep, got him dressed and waited for all the guests to arrive!
The party was so amazing. We had a house full of people who loving came to help our boy celebrate his first year of life. What more can you ask for?!
Wednesday: My birthday, complete with new hair cut!
Thursday: Thanksgiving. Colin gets sick, Thanksgiving gets ruined (not really, I just thought it was a funny line!)
Friday: Colin's first birthday. He is still sick and not amused by any type of birthday celebration.
On Saturday the 26th, we were having about 30 people over for his party. Mark and I went back and forth about whether to cancel the party or not. The night before, we decided that if he still had a fever in the morning, we would cancel the party. Luckily around 3 AM, his fever broke. Hallelujah!
Around 11:30, I gave Colin a final dose of Tylenol and put him down for a nap, hoping he would finally get some much needed rest. He woke up about an hour later sc.re.am.ing. He wasn't just upset, he was completely pissed off! I looked at Mark and said "We've got to cancel the party. We can't have everyone over with him acting this way". Turns out, the kid was just hungry. He ate a big lunch and was, once again, my sweet baby boy. So we finished the party prep, got him dressed and waited for all the guests to arrive!
The party was so amazing. We had a house full of people who loving came to help our boy celebrate his first year of life. What more can you ask for?!
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| CAKE! |
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| The banner I made |
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| The guest book. Everyone wrote him a special message :) |
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| Picture collage. |
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| Playing with his cousins |
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| Smash cake :) |
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| All his presents. Lucky boy! |
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Birthday Week - Part 3. Colin's FIRST Birthday!
Colin's first birthday fell on the day after Thanksgiving. And if you'll remember, my last post about Thanksgiving left off with Colin waking up at 11:30 PM.
He only slept on and off for the rest of the night. His fever stayed steady at around 103 without medicine and 101 with medicine. He just genuinely did not feel well. I kept telling him all day how sorry I was that he had to spent his first birthday sick and promising him that next year will be better. I am so glad he won't remember this birthday. I thought about "erasing" his sickness from all of our stories but in the end, he deserves to know what his birthday was like.
Mark and I had plans to finish our Christmas shopping, seeing as how it was Black Friday. But it was kind of nice to just stay home in our P.J.'s and cuddle. The fever finally started to break around 4 that afternoon, so we decided to salvage the day and try to get some Black Friday deals. Colin was tolerable of our shopping, as long as he was being held. We made it through Target in record time!
Once we got home we decided since Colin hadn't slept much that day, an early dinner and bed time was just what he needed. The boy loves grilled cheese sandwiches so that's what we had for dinner. I made chicken noodle soup, too because who doesn't like chicken noodle soup when they're sick? Apparently, Colin doesn't. He wouldn't eat anything except apple sauce :( After dinner, we tried giving him a birthday cupcake, which he also wanted no part of. He cried the entire time.
Here's us trying to show him what he's supposed to do! Notice the expression on his face. He. Was. Not. Amused.
So after a failed attempt at a birthday dinner and dessert, we gave Colin a cool bath (something we realized we should have done much sooner) and sat him down in the recliner with Mark. While they attempted to get some rest, I hurried to get the house set up for Colin's party the next day...which was on the verge of getting cancelled!
He only slept on and off for the rest of the night. His fever stayed steady at around 103 without medicine and 101 with medicine. He just genuinely did not feel well. I kept telling him all day how sorry I was that he had to spent his first birthday sick and promising him that next year will be better. I am so glad he won't remember this birthday. I thought about "erasing" his sickness from all of our stories but in the end, he deserves to know what his birthday was like.
Mark and I had plans to finish our Christmas shopping, seeing as how it was Black Friday. But it was kind of nice to just stay home in our P.J.'s and cuddle. The fever finally started to break around 4 that afternoon, so we decided to salvage the day and try to get some Black Friday deals. Colin was tolerable of our shopping, as long as he was being held. We made it through Target in record time!
Once we got home we decided since Colin hadn't slept much that day, an early dinner and bed time was just what he needed. The boy loves grilled cheese sandwiches so that's what we had for dinner. I made chicken noodle soup, too because who doesn't like chicken noodle soup when they're sick? Apparently, Colin doesn't. He wouldn't eat anything except apple sauce :( After dinner, we tried giving him a birthday cupcake, which he also wanted no part of. He cried the entire time.
Here's us trying to show him what he's supposed to do! Notice the expression on his face. He. Was. Not. Amused.
So after a failed attempt at a birthday dinner and dessert, we gave Colin a cool bath (something we realized we should have done much sooner) and sat him down in the recliner with Mark. While they attempted to get some rest, I hurried to get the house set up for Colin's party the next day...which was on the verge of getting cancelled!
Birthday week - Part 2. Thanksgiving!
My birthday was on November 23rd, which means the very next day was Thanksgiving!
Mark and I planned out the perfect day. We timed our meals perfectly to make sure Colin would be able to get in his two naps. We started with lunch with my side of the family at my brother and sister-in-law's house. I noticed pretty much right away that Colin felt warm and he just seemed to not be himself. He's always clingy and wants me to hold him when we are around people he doesn't see every day but he was extra clingy on Thanksgiving. As the afternoon went on, he got more and more cranky. Of course I remembered on the way home that we had no medicine what-so-ever (isn't that how it always is!). Thank goodness Wal-Greens was open! We rushed to get Colin home, medicated and in bed for his afternoon nap. The whole time he was asleep I was praying he wasn't getting sick and it was just a one-off thing.
Once he was up, we were out the door and headed to Mark's parents house for dinner with his family. This is where the day really went down hill. The minute we sat down for dinner, Colin started sc.re.am.ing. He screamed pretty much all through dinner. I ate quicker than I ever have and got him to eat a little. During dessert he just wanted to be held and cuddled by me and me only. I'm sure that broke his grandparents heart because all they want to do is hold him and love up on him but he just wasn't having it. I forgot to grab the thermometer when we left home but I would guess that by this time, his fever was at least 101. I gave him some more medicine and tried to get him to calm down. None of my tricks were working so we cut the evening short and took our sick boy home :(
We got him in bed relatively easily but about 11:30 PM he woke up and was burning up. He had a fever of almost 105. To say I panicked is an understatement. I started freaking out, trying to decide if we should take him to the ER or not. Back in April, Colin had a super high fever and of course, we rushed him the ER. I remember the nurse acting like it was no big deal and she said "A fever is a good sign. It means his little body is fighting off the illness". This time, while yes I was panicking, I kept telling myself that he had no other symptoms, except a runny nose, and this probably wasn't a sickness worthy of going to the ER. So I read some articles online and everything said to wait 3 days and take him to the doctor if the fever isn't gone or if he developed other symptoms. Mark and I made a deal that if his fever wasn't gone by Saturday morning, we were canceling his birthday party and taking him to the doctor.
So I spent the rest of the night in the rocking chair with him, trying to get him to sleep so he could get better.
Even though we didn't have an ideal Thanksgiving, we are still very happy and thankful that we got to spend time with everyone who means so much to us.
Next up, Colin's first birthday!
Mark and I planned out the perfect day. We timed our meals perfectly to make sure Colin would be able to get in his two naps. We started with lunch with my side of the family at my brother and sister-in-law's house. I noticed pretty much right away that Colin felt warm and he just seemed to not be himself. He's always clingy and wants me to hold him when we are around people he doesn't see every day but he was extra clingy on Thanksgiving. As the afternoon went on, he got more and more cranky. Of course I remembered on the way home that we had no medicine what-so-ever (isn't that how it always is!). Thank goodness Wal-Greens was open! We rushed to get Colin home, medicated and in bed for his afternoon nap. The whole time he was asleep I was praying he wasn't getting sick and it was just a one-off thing.
Once he was up, we were out the door and headed to Mark's parents house for dinner with his family. This is where the day really went down hill. The minute we sat down for dinner, Colin started sc.re.am.ing. He screamed pretty much all through dinner. I ate quicker than I ever have and got him to eat a little. During dessert he just wanted to be held and cuddled by me and me only. I'm sure that broke his grandparents heart because all they want to do is hold him and love up on him but he just wasn't having it. I forgot to grab the thermometer when we left home but I would guess that by this time, his fever was at least 101. I gave him some more medicine and tried to get him to calm down. None of my tricks were working so we cut the evening short and took our sick boy home :(
We got him in bed relatively easily but about 11:30 PM he woke up and was burning up. He had a fever of almost 105. To say I panicked is an understatement. I started freaking out, trying to decide if we should take him to the ER or not. Back in April, Colin had a super high fever and of course, we rushed him the ER. I remember the nurse acting like it was no big deal and she said "A fever is a good sign. It means his little body is fighting off the illness". This time, while yes I was panicking, I kept telling myself that he had no other symptoms, except a runny nose, and this probably wasn't a sickness worthy of going to the ER. So I read some articles online and everything said to wait 3 days and take him to the doctor if the fever isn't gone or if he developed other symptoms. Mark and I made a deal that if his fever wasn't gone by Saturday morning, we were canceling his birthday party and taking him to the doctor.
So I spent the rest of the night in the rocking chair with him, trying to get him to sleep so he could get better.
Even though we didn't have an ideal Thanksgiving, we are still very happy and thankful that we got to spend time with everyone who means so much to us.
Next up, Colin's first birthday!
Birthday week - Part 1. My birthday!
Because Colin was born 2 days after my birthday, we get to share a Birthday Week. That's right...in the Testa household, everyone gets an entire week for their birthday! Really, we just start saying "Birthday week" on the Sunday before their birthday then once their birthday is past, the week is over.
Anyway...on to my birthday! I don't say it often enough but I have a very generous husband. All month he worried about my birthday being forgotten with the hustle and bustle of Thanksgiving, Colin's birthday and Colin's party. So he planned and saved and surprised me with a hair cut, brow wax, lunch and shopping spree! It was amazing. I keep telling him "Thank You!" He really listened to my complaints and was spot on with his presents, ha ha!
The rest of my day was pretty low key. After my afternoon of "me" time, I had to get back to my domesticated life, complete with grocery shopping and cleaning the house :)
Coming up, Thanksgiving!
Anyway...on to my birthday! I don't say it often enough but I have a very generous husband. All month he worried about my birthday being forgotten with the hustle and bustle of Thanksgiving, Colin's birthday and Colin's party. So he planned and saved and surprised me with a hair cut, brow wax, lunch and shopping spree! It was amazing. I keep telling him "Thank You!" He really listened to my complaints and was spot on with his presents, ha ha!
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| After cutting 5 inches off my hair. Please excuse my lack of make-up and Colin's tears. More on them later! |
Coming up, Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Time flies
I remember when we were given that sleeper he's wearing. A neighbor of Mark's parents sent it for him. I remember hysterically laughing with my MIL about how it was so huge and little 5 pound Colin would probably never fit in it.
Fast forward roughly 10 months. It was a brisk evening and I pulled this sleeper out of the drawer that holds all the clothes that are too big. "It will probably be big but that's OK" I thought to myself. I zipped it up...and it fit perfectly. It sounds silly but it almost took my breath away. I sat in the rocking chair, struggling to hold back my tears and hang on to my squirmy baby for just one more minute.
I can't help but tear up when I think that in about two weeks, he'll be one and on his way to no longer being my baby, but being my little boy.
Monday, October 17, 2011
The big 0-1!
We are knee deep in party planning here in the Testa household! I can't believe in that in less than 6 weeks, my baby boy will be one! I'm excited, nervous and sad as hell all at the same time.
For C's birthday party, we're keeping it pretty simple in terms of decorations (re: cheap!). Here are some of my ideas:
For C's birthday party, we're keeping it pretty simple in terms of decorations (re: cheap!). Here are some of my ideas:
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| Photo Source: http://www.modernparentsmessykids.com The banner! I'll change the colors and I have a different plan for the photos. The best part? Making this banner is practically free to me. Holla! |
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| Photo Source: http://www.perfect-parties.com The smash cake will be similar to this design...but waaay smaller. Everyone else is getting sheet cake. And of course, no birthday party is complete without loads of balloons and food. And there will be plenty of both :) I can't even tell you how excited I am to celebrate my boy's first year. I wish I had the budget to go big but I have to admit, it's fun finding ways to be cheap but still creative. If you've got any ideas you want to throw my way, feel free to comment or e-mail them to me! |
Monday, October 10, 2011
Nursing Experience
I've been wanting to write about my nursing experience for a while but I wanted to find a place where it would really be heard. Then I stumbled on Fearless Formula Feeder. I was so relieved to find this type of website. It's the only pro-formula website I've ever found. Being pro-formula doesn't mean the author is anti-breast. The term that best describes her is pro-choice. She is able to effectively communicate that the way a woman chooses to feed her child(ren) is just that: her choice.
I simply cannot find the words to describe how relieved I was to find this website. I had immense guilt over having to choose formula for Colin and writing my story out for people to read was unbelievably therapeutic. So here it is. And sorry if you think I'm beating a dead horse with this (I mean, I did post about it already and put it on FB) but it's such an important part of my mothering experience and I don't want to forget it.
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About 4 years before having my son, I made the personal decision to have breast reduction surgery. The surgeon fully explained to me that breast feeding in the future may or may not be possible. I was completely content with formula feeding at that time. Breast feeding wasn't "normal" to me. My mother didn't breast feed and
neither did anyone close to me. Formula feeding was my "normal".
While pregnant, my husband and I took the Bradley Method birth classes. The instructor made it sound like breast feeding would happen naturally and the baby would instinctively know what to do and he would "climb" up my chest to begin breastfeeding. She told me she knew of many other women who had the same surgery and went on to exclusively breast feed with no issues. I was relieved to know that breast feeding was still a possibility.
My son was born at 37 weeks via Cesarean weighing 5 pounds 3 ounces. He was literally skin and bones. I remember a nurse asking me if I wanted to breastfeed. I answered with a resounding "YES!". She then leaned in and whispered "He may not have the strength to nurse immediately. It would be good to consider supplementing with formula and to consult with the lactation consultant".
I felt like the lactation consultant had a special interest in me because of my previous surgery. She stopped by my room multiple times a day to check in. She instructed me to feed some formula prior to attempting to breast feed so that he wouldn't be completely stressed out and starving. This did not work for us. When I would bring my son to the breast, he would instantly start crying and turn his head from side to side, refusing to latch.
Because he was struggling to latch, I started pumping and bottle feeding him the breast milk. The lactation consultant warned me to continue attempting to nurse because bottle feeding and pumping could interfere with my supply. I continued the cycle of bottle feeding (both formula and breast milk), nursing then pumping for my entire stay in the hospital. I did get a successful latch a few times but it never lasted long. I was hopeful that once I got home into my own environment, nursing would come easier for us. I would be less stressed and hopefully he would pick up on that.
Unfortunately it was quite the opposite. I never figured out the right hold or position, he continued to refuse to latch. He became so stressed and worked up (as did I) that the nursing sessions never lasted more than 5 minutes. Eventually I just stopped trying. I continued pumping and most days, I was able to give him more breast milk than formula. In order to keep up with his feedings, I had to pump after each feeding for at least 30 minutes. He was eating between 2 and 3 ounces at a time and that was just the amount I would get at each pumping session. Once he hit six weeks old, he started eating more - about 4 ounces - and I just couldn't keep up. I began having to supplement with formula again.
I continued to pump, convincing myself that every drop of breast milk was better than none. One day, I pumped five ounces of breast milk in one session. I was absolutely elated! I thought my luck had turned around and I would be able to provide him milk for longer than I had thought. My body had other plans. At the very next session, I barely pumped an ounce.
I immediately went in to damage control mode. I began drinking Mother's Milk Tea as often as I could. I ate oatmeal for every meal. But nothing worked. Soon after, I stopped pumping and began exclusively feeding formula. I became an emotional wreck and the guilt of formula feeding was weighing on me hard. Every time I fed him a formula bottle, I would imagine I was feeding him nasty, unhealthy sludge. I was insanely hard on myself. I told myself I was a quitter and if I really loved him, I would have stuck with it. I convinced myself he was going to be an obese, unhealthy baby who will never hit milestones and he'll forever be shunned from society because he wasn't breast fed.
Then one day he smiled. And the next, he laughed. He was hitting milestones and he wasn't an obese, unhealthy baby. He was (and still is) small for his age. In that moment, I let go of all my guilt over formula feeding. He was thriving, we were bonded and I knew I did the best I could for him.
I simply cannot find the words to describe how relieved I was to find this website. I had immense guilt over having to choose formula for Colin and writing my story out for people to read was unbelievably therapeutic. So here it is. And sorry if you think I'm beating a dead horse with this (I mean, I did post about it already and put it on FB) but it's such an important part of my mothering experience and I don't want to forget it.
****
About 4 years before having my son, I made the personal decision to have breast reduction surgery. The surgeon fully explained to me that breast feeding in the future may or may not be possible. I was completely content with formula feeding at that time. Breast feeding wasn't "normal" to me. My mother didn't breast feed and
neither did anyone close to me. Formula feeding was my "normal".
While pregnant, my husband and I took the Bradley Method birth classes. The instructor made it sound like breast feeding would happen naturally and the baby would instinctively know what to do and he would "climb" up my chest to begin breastfeeding. She told me she knew of many other women who had the same surgery and went on to exclusively breast feed with no issues. I was relieved to know that breast feeding was still a possibility.
My son was born at 37 weeks via Cesarean weighing 5 pounds 3 ounces. He was literally skin and bones. I remember a nurse asking me if I wanted to breastfeed. I answered with a resounding "YES!". She then leaned in and whispered "He may not have the strength to nurse immediately. It would be good to consider supplementing with formula and to consult with the lactation consultant".
I felt like the lactation consultant had a special interest in me because of my previous surgery. She stopped by my room multiple times a day to check in. She instructed me to feed some formula prior to attempting to breast feed so that he wouldn't be completely stressed out and starving. This did not work for us. When I would bring my son to the breast, he would instantly start crying and turn his head from side to side, refusing to latch.
Because he was struggling to latch, I started pumping and bottle feeding him the breast milk. The lactation consultant warned me to continue attempting to nurse because bottle feeding and pumping could interfere with my supply. I continued the cycle of bottle feeding (both formula and breast milk), nursing then pumping for my entire stay in the hospital. I did get a successful latch a few times but it never lasted long. I was hopeful that once I got home into my own environment, nursing would come easier for us. I would be less stressed and hopefully he would pick up on that.
Unfortunately it was quite the opposite. I never figured out the right hold or position, he continued to refuse to latch. He became so stressed and worked up (as did I) that the nursing sessions never lasted more than 5 minutes. Eventually I just stopped trying. I continued pumping and most days, I was able to give him more breast milk than formula. In order to keep up with his feedings, I had to pump after each feeding for at least 30 minutes. He was eating between 2 and 3 ounces at a time and that was just the amount I would get at each pumping session. Once he hit six weeks old, he started eating more - about 4 ounces - and I just couldn't keep up. I began having to supplement with formula again.
I continued to pump, convincing myself that every drop of breast milk was better than none. One day, I pumped five ounces of breast milk in one session. I was absolutely elated! I thought my luck had turned around and I would be able to provide him milk for longer than I had thought. My body had other plans. At the very next session, I barely pumped an ounce.
I immediately went in to damage control mode. I began drinking Mother's Milk Tea as often as I could. I ate oatmeal for every meal. But nothing worked. Soon after, I stopped pumping and began exclusively feeding formula. I became an emotional wreck and the guilt of formula feeding was weighing on me hard. Every time I fed him a formula bottle, I would imagine I was feeding him nasty, unhealthy sludge. I was insanely hard on myself. I told myself I was a quitter and if I really loved him, I would have stuck with it. I convinced myself he was going to be an obese, unhealthy baby who will never hit milestones and he'll forever be shunned from society because he wasn't breast fed.
Then one day he smiled. And the next, he laughed. He was hitting milestones and he wasn't an obese, unhealthy baby. He was (and still is) small for his age. In that moment, I let go of all my guilt over formula feeding. He was thriving, we were bonded and I knew I did the best I could for him.
That's all that matters.
Teeny by Halloweeny - October 10th
Weight: 137.2 Not as bad as I was expecting.
Exercise: Two 15-ish minute walks on my breaks at work. I was too tired to get up early and workout this morning. Tomorrow though, I'm going to be right back at it. I've been setting my workout clothes in the bathroom along with my cell phone so I have to get out of bed in order to turn it off.
I didn't eat so well today (or this past weekend). Apparently my cravings for sweets haven't quite left yet. I've got to get it under control before Halloween comes around. Though I did eat at least 3 servings of fruits and veggies.
I also noticed today that my negative internal dialogue seems to be pretty non-existent as of late, which has been amazing for my self confidence. If any of you are talking negatively to yourself, I suggest telling that voice to stuff it :)
Exercise: Two 15-ish minute walks on my breaks at work. I was too tired to get up early and workout this morning. Tomorrow though, I'm going to be right back at it. I've been setting my workout clothes in the bathroom along with my cell phone so I have to get out of bed in order to turn it off.
I didn't eat so well today (or this past weekend). Apparently my cravings for sweets haven't quite left yet. I've got to get it under control before Halloween comes around. Though I did eat at least 3 servings of fruits and veggies.
I also noticed today that my negative internal dialogue seems to be pretty non-existent as of late, which has been amazing for my self confidence. If any of you are talking negatively to yourself, I suggest telling that voice to stuff it :)
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Fearless Formula Feeder
My nursing experience is being shared over on Fearless Formula Feeder. Check it out while picturing me screaming "I'M FAMOUS!" at everyone!
But seriously, this blog is such an amazing, supportive "world" for formula feeders. With every post I read, I'm thankful I found it.
http://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com/
But seriously, this blog is such an amazing, supportive "world" for formula feeders. With every post I read, I'm thankful I found it.
http://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com/
Friday, October 7, 2011
Teeny by Halloweeny - October 7th
Weight: 138.8. Oh, hello sugar cravings. I see you've finally caught up with me.
Exercise: 10 minutes Pilate's, 30 minutes on Gazelle.
*I actually did wake up at 5 and workout. I have to admit, it felt AH-mazing! To top off the good start to my morning, Colin went back to sleep right after having breakfast so I didn't have to fight him for my brush while getting ready for work!
I didn't eat so well today: Casserole and a Toaster Strudel for breakfast, half a hot dog and small bag of Doritos for lunch. Steak, veggies and potatoes for dinner.
I've sworn to myself that I will eat fresh fruits and veggies tomorrow and I will still wake up early to workout. I need to reset my system after this hell-ish week.
I'm off to soak in a hot bubble bath and then paint my toe nails!
Exercise: 10 minutes Pilate's, 30 minutes on Gazelle.
*I actually did wake up at 5 and workout. I have to admit, it felt AH-mazing! To top off the good start to my morning, Colin went back to sleep right after having breakfast so I didn't have to fight him for my brush while getting ready for work!
I didn't eat so well today: Casserole and a Toaster Strudel for breakfast, half a hot dog and small bag of Doritos for lunch. Steak, veggies and potatoes for dinner.
I've sworn to myself that I will eat fresh fruits and veggies tomorrow and I will still wake up early to workout. I need to reset my system after this hell-ish week.
I'm off to soak in a hot bubble bath and then paint my toe nails!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Teeny by Halloweeny - October 6th
So posting everything I eat and it's corresponding calories is too time consuming for me. I'm changing it up and will be posting my weight and exercise daily. I'll also reflect on how I did calorie-wise for the day.
Weight: 136.4
Exercise: 30 minutes slow pace walking
I didn't do so well eating today. I'm not really sure what's been going on with me but I can't get enough sugar. I've never really craved anything (even while pregnant) but lately, sugar is my BFF. I'm hoping it will pass soon.
I am going to start waking up early to workout in the morning. I used to do this while I was following Weight Watchers a few years ago and I loved it. It made my morning so much more leisurely than they normally were. I'm looking forward to having that time to myself again. But I do have to keep chanting to myself "I will get up early and workout". Whatever it takes, right?!
Weight: 136.4
Exercise: 30 minutes slow pace walking
I didn't do so well eating today. I'm not really sure what's been going on with me but I can't get enough sugar. I've never really craved anything (even while pregnant) but lately, sugar is my BFF. I'm hoping it will pass soon.
I am going to start waking up early to workout in the morning. I used to do this while I was following Weight Watchers a few years ago and I loved it. It made my morning so much more leisurely than they normally were. I'm looking forward to having that time to myself again. But I do have to keep chanting to myself "I will get up early and workout". Whatever it takes, right?!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Teeny by Halloweeny - September 30th
Weight138.2
Breakfast
Half Panera Asiago Bagel - 165 calories
1 tbsp Panera Reduced Fat Veggie Cream Cheese - 60 calories
4 oz Applesauce - 50 calories
2 tbsp coffee creamer - 120 calories (I'm not sure I agree so I need to do more checking on this one)
Lunch
1 slice wheat bread - 70 calories
2 ounces ham - 60 calories
Mustard - 3 calories
17 Mini ranch rice cakes - 130 calories
Dinner
Jimmy Johns turkey lettuce wrap w/ Dijon mustard - 82 calories
Jimmy Johns Reduced Fat Chips - 260 calories
Jimmy Johns Pickle - 22 calories
Snacks
Mini Twix bar - 50 calories
Cherry Air Head - 47 calories
Mini Blow Pop - 8 calories
Mini Whoppers - 30 calories
Half graham cracker - 33 Calories
Exercise
30 minutes walking - 77 calories burned
Total
1,191 calories. 9 remaining
Reflections
Today was a good day. I made good choices - mostly because I knew I'd be putting it all out on the inter webs.
Tomorrow we're having family pictures taken, here's hoping I get enough sleep and I'm not bloated!
Breakfast
Half Panera Asiago Bagel - 165 calories
1 tbsp Panera Reduced Fat Veggie Cream Cheese - 60 calories
4 oz Applesauce - 50 calories
2 tbsp coffee creamer - 120 calories (I'm not sure I agree so I need to do more checking on this one)
Lunch
1 slice wheat bread - 70 calories
2 ounces ham - 60 calories
Mustard - 3 calories
17 Mini ranch rice cakes - 130 calories
Dinner
Jimmy Johns turkey lettuce wrap w/ Dijon mustard - 82 calories
Jimmy Johns Reduced Fat Chips - 260 calories
Jimmy Johns Pickle - 22 calories
Snacks
Mini Twix bar - 50 calories
Cherry Air Head - 47 calories
Mini Blow Pop - 8 calories
Mini Whoppers - 30 calories
Half graham cracker - 33 Calories
Exercise
30 minutes walking - 77 calories burned
Total
1,191 calories. 9 remaining
Reflections
Today was a good day. I made good choices - mostly because I knew I'd be putting it all out on the inter webs.
Tomorrow we're having family pictures taken, here's hoping I get enough sleep and I'm not bloated!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Teeny by Halloweeny - Thursday September 29th
My best fabulous friend, Jaci, has invited me to be part of her Teeny by Halloweeny adventure. My plan is to post as often as I can what I've eaten for the day and how much I weighed that morning. Jaci is a Weight Watcher, as was I, however now I track calories instead of Points. The program I use is called My Fitness Pal. It's a free calorie and exercise tracking online tool. So far I haven't had any issues with it and it's really easy to find the foods you eat. My user name is WorkingMama11 so if you decide to join the program, we can be friends and motivate each other!
I will post everything I eat, broken down in to meals and snacks, along with how many calories it is. I'm allotted 1,200 calories based on my age, weight, height and weight loss goals. At the end of each post, I'll reflect on the day and figure out ways I can improve the next day.
On with the good stuff...
Morning Weight - 138.6. They're baaaack! :(
Breakfast
Wheat English muffin - 130 calories
Brummel & Brown butter (1 tbsp) - 45 calories
Coffee creamer - 90 calories (I try to avoid sugar free stuff which means higher calories).
Lunch
Marinated chicken breast - 239 calories
Pretzel (half)- 170 calories
Baked beans (half cup) - 140 calories
Pasta salad (half cup) - 139 calories
Cheez Whiz (2 tbsp for pretzel) - 90 calories
Dinner
Fareway wheat bread (2 slices) - 140 calories
Mustard - 3 calories
Ranch mini rice cakes (17 pieces) - 130 calories
Honey smoked ham (2 oz) - 61 calories
Snacks
3 homemade brown sugar cookies - No idea how many calories
Total Calories
1,377. My goal calorie is 1,200 so I was over by 177 plus whatever the cookies were.
Exercise
Walking, 30 minutes. 77 calories burned.
Reflections
Even though I was over my calories for the day (dang cookies made by co-workers!), I feel good about the choices I made. I said "No!" to extra servings at a company provided lunch and because of the afore mentioned cookies, I opted to have a healthier dinner instead of the hamburgers that were on the menu. Here's hoping taking part in this Teeny by Halloweeny challenge will motivate me to make better choices.
I will post everything I eat, broken down in to meals and snacks, along with how many calories it is. I'm allotted 1,200 calories based on my age, weight, height and weight loss goals. At the end of each post, I'll reflect on the day and figure out ways I can improve the next day.
On with the good stuff...
Morning Weight - 138.6. They're baaaack! :(
Breakfast
Wheat English muffin - 130 calories
Brummel & Brown butter (1 tbsp) - 45 calories
Coffee creamer - 90 calories (I try to avoid sugar free stuff which means higher calories).
Lunch
Marinated chicken breast - 239 calories
Pretzel (half)- 170 calories
Baked beans (half cup) - 140 calories
Pasta salad (half cup) - 139 calories
Cheez Whiz (2 tbsp for pretzel) - 90 calories
Dinner
Fareway wheat bread (2 slices) - 140 calories
Mustard - 3 calories
Ranch mini rice cakes (17 pieces) - 130 calories
Honey smoked ham (2 oz) - 61 calories
Snacks
3 homemade brown sugar cookies - No idea how many calories
Total Calories
1,377. My goal calorie is 1,200 so I was over by 177 plus whatever the cookies were.
Exercise
Walking, 30 minutes. 77 calories burned.
Reflections
Even though I was over my calories for the day (dang cookies made by co-workers!), I feel good about the choices I made. I said "No!" to extra servings at a company provided lunch and because of the afore mentioned cookies, I opted to have a healthier dinner instead of the hamburgers that were on the menu. Here's hoping taking part in this Teeny by Halloweeny challenge will motivate me to make better choices.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Updates and photo dump
Warning: This is a completely random and somewhat incoherent post. Read at your own risk - though there are some good pictures!
Colin had his 9 month check up a couple weeks ago. He weighs 18 pounds 2 ounces (20th percentile), is 28.5 inches long (50th percentile) and his head circumference is 45 cm (50th percentile). He got a clean bill of health. He says "da da da" a lot...which breaks this mama's heart! He's starting to get stranger anxiety but mostly only with men. If I'm in the room, he wants to be near me. And if I leave the room or walk past him without stopping, he usually screams until I acknowledge him. Attachment parenting at it's best :-). He's more objective, too. If we take a toy or anything he's playing with away, he gets fuming mad.
Mark and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary today (September 26th). Mark's parents offered to keep Colin overnight for us last night. It was nice to have an adult only evening but we definitely missed him. Mark slept in until 9 this morning and I actually had time to do some Pilate's and get a run in.
In other news, I think I am finally finished with the living room make over. I hung some red cube shelves to add some visual balance to the large wall. It's not a major Betty but a vast improvement - name that movie ;-). I do love all the color the room has now. It's perfect for fall - a season the Testa household is opening with wide open arms!
Colin had his 9 month check up a couple weeks ago. He weighs 18 pounds 2 ounces (20th percentile), is 28.5 inches long (50th percentile) and his head circumference is 45 cm (50th percentile). He got a clean bill of health. He says "da da da" a lot...which breaks this mama's heart! He's starting to get stranger anxiety but mostly only with men. If I'm in the room, he wants to be near me. And if I leave the room or walk past him without stopping, he usually screams until I acknowledge him. Attachment parenting at it's best :-). He's more objective, too. If we take a toy or anything he's playing with away, he gets fuming mad.
Mark and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary today (September 26th). Mark's parents offered to keep Colin overnight for us last night. It was nice to have an adult only evening but we definitely missed him. Mark slept in until 9 this morning and I actually had time to do some Pilate's and get a run in.
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| Second anniversary |
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| Such a happy boy! |
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Post Baby Weight Loss
So this really isn't an update...just me sharing something that became shockingly clear last night.
I was getting ready for my usual Friday night routine - taking a hot bath and shaving my legs - when I thought to myself "I've never really looked at my post-baby body. Maybe I should. It may help me feel more confident."
WRONG. Big mistake. HUGE. I never should have turned around and looked in that mirror.
See, I've been fooling myself by repeating I'm "only 10 pounds" heavier than I was when I first got pregnant over a year and a half ago. Sure, it's true that I am only 10 pounds heavier but these 10 pounds are sheer FAT pounds...not muscle pounds as I had been thinking. There is more cellulite on my ass and thighs than I even care to know about. Side note: I'd like to call bullshit on all these new moms who say "I just love my new voluptuous body!'. You're all damn liars. No one likes a pudgy stomach and thighs.
I believe it's a sign fromhell heaven that the newest issue of Self magazine came in the mail on the very day I decided to sneak a peek at myself. I plopped down in the tub praying the hot water would melt away the fat (don't judge, it works on meat and this just proves how diluted my reasoning is). I flipped open the magazine to the exact page where the hip new workout Cross Fit was being featured - another sign from below above. I read through it and decided once I was done baking in the tub, I would give it a shot. It seemed simple enough - it just mixes cardio with strength training. Easy peasy!
Um...turns out it's not so simple. I was ready to quit about 30 seconds in and I hadn't even got through the warm up! But with those thoughts of quitting came mental images of my ass in the mirror so I pushed through. I got through the first WOD (workout of the day) and was convinced I was going to die. Where the hell did my endurance go? I used to be able to spend an hour on the elliptical then an hour of Pilate's and still clean my entire house without resting.
What became shockingly clear to me as I lay on the floor, gasping for air, was that I am STARTING OVER. I'm not who I used to be. I'm the out of shape version of that person and I am going to have to work my ass off - literally - to become her again. My plan now is to build up my endurance again. This Cross Fit exercise routine is a good way to do it because it's short and simple. It takes 20 minutes tops and there is no fancy equipment needed. And the best part is it's all in one. I'll no longer have to make time for cardio and strength. Plus I can do it without leaving my house.
So hasta la vista, cellulite! You're not welcome on my cheeks any more!
I was getting ready for my usual Friday night routine - taking a hot bath and shaving my legs - when I thought to myself "I've never really looked at my post-baby body. Maybe I should. It may help me feel more confident."
WRONG. Big mistake. HUGE. I never should have turned around and looked in that mirror.
See, I've been fooling myself by repeating I'm "only 10 pounds" heavier than I was when I first got pregnant over a year and a half ago. Sure, it's true that I am only 10 pounds heavier but these 10 pounds are sheer FAT pounds...not muscle pounds as I had been thinking. There is more cellulite on my ass and thighs than I even care to know about. Side note: I'd like to call bullshit on all these new moms who say "I just love my new voluptuous body!'. You're all damn liars. No one likes a pudgy stomach and thighs.
I believe it's a sign from
Um...turns out it's not so simple. I was ready to quit about 30 seconds in and I hadn't even got through the warm up! But with those thoughts of quitting came mental images of my ass in the mirror so I pushed through. I got through the first WOD (workout of the day) and was convinced I was going to die. Where the hell did my endurance go? I used to be able to spend an hour on the elliptical then an hour of Pilate's and still clean my entire house without resting.
What became shockingly clear to me as I lay on the floor, gasping for air, was that I am STARTING OVER. I'm not who I used to be. I'm the out of shape version of that person and I am going to have to work my ass off - literally - to become her again. My plan now is to build up my endurance again. This Cross Fit exercise routine is a good way to do it because it's short and simple. It takes 20 minutes tops and there is no fancy equipment needed. And the best part is it's all in one. I'll no longer have to make time for cardio and strength. Plus I can do it without leaving my house.
So hasta la vista, cellulite! You're not welcome on my cheeks any more!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Sometimes...
...I worry I'm making all the wrong decisions
...I worry I'm failing at being a mom and a wife
...I'm afraid I don't spend enough quality time with Colin.
...I'm afraid I don't give Mark enough of my attention.
...I feel like I'm living someone elses life.
...I let Colin cry until he calms himself because OMGfortheloveofallthingsholy, mama needs a minute!
...I ignore Marks cries for help.
...I lock myself in the bathroom just to have a few precious minutes where I don't have to be something for someone else.
Then when I need it the most, Colin reaches for me and pulls me in close for a hug. Mark says "I got this. Go take a bath".
And just like that, I realize I'm doing something right.
...I worry I'm failing at being a mom and a wife
...I'm afraid I don't spend enough quality time with Colin.
...I'm afraid I don't give Mark enough of my attention.
...I feel like I'm living someone elses life.
...I let Colin cry until he calms himself because OMGfortheloveofallthingsholy, mama needs a minute!
...I ignore Marks cries for help.
...I lock myself in the bathroom just to have a few precious minutes where I don't have to be something for someone else.
Then when I need it the most, Colin reaches for me and pulls me in close for a hug. Mark says "I got this. Go take a bath".
And just like that, I realize I'm doing something right.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
9 Months
Dear Colin:
Today you are 9 months old! We can’t believe how quickly your first year is flying by! We’ve already started talking about how to celebrate your birthday.
During these last three months you have made leaps and bounds with your development.
-You have gotten 3 teeth and the fourth one is working its way out.
-You have started eating regular food. You’ve had pork, chicken, fish and lots of fresh fruits and veggies. You can thank Uncle Trevor for introducing you to cake frosting and pickle spears!
-You have learned to sit up all by yourself. You love to sit on the floor with all your toys spread out in front of you. Although you don’t really play with your toys, you mostly hit/punch them.
-You like to pull the visor on your car seat all the way down. This gives you a better view of Mommy and Daddy in the front seat!
-You can also stand up for a few minutes all on your own while leaning against a chair.
-In the last month you’ve really found your voice. You love to scream with joy (and anger!). You make lots of raspberry type noises and find it hilarious when we make the same noises back to you. It won’t be long before you’re saying your first words and talking non-stop!
- You learned to spit – much to our dislike! But you look so cute when you do it!This summer also gave us a lot of family time to go out and explore our city. We have gone to the state capital, the state fair and Saylorville Lake. You also had your first experience with swimming at a local wading pool. You liked it until the water got on your belly. You enjoyed your own personal wading pool in the back yard much more.
We can’t wait to see how much you’re going change in the next three months and what you’re going to learn. Every day is so much for fun us as we watch you learn and grow.
We love you to the moon and back,
Mommy and Daddy
Friday, August 5, 2011
Redecorating
Recently I sat in my living room and realized I was surrounded by a sea of brown...brown furniture, brown and beige curtains, beige carpet. My soul was craving some color and vibrancy (is that a word? it is now). It just so happens I had that day off work so I packed up the kiddo and headed to Target to get some color scheme ideas. It was a big day for baby C, too. It was his first time riding in the cart like a big boy (aka sitting up front sans car seat). Please forgive me because I seriously teared up. My little bebe is turning in to a little boy :-(.
Moving on...
I quickly settled on lime green and grey. These two colors would be a nice contrast to the brown furniture since replacing it wasn't in my budget. Side note, throw pillows in the bedroom section are ridiculously cheaper than in the home section. I saw these and almost fell over. They were PERFECT!
Next on my list was to find the right curtains. I knew instantly that these curtains were it. They were not cheap (I needed four panels, they cost $30 for two panels) but I love that they are thin enough to let some light in but thick enough that people can't see through them.
{{Excuse the lack of photos. I'm new to this whole documenting-your-whole-life-in-photos thing}}
Once I got my loot home, hung up the curtains and threw the pillows on the couch...the room was still missing something. The mirror that sits between the two windows just wasn't working with the new scheme.
Once the hubs got home, I quizzed him on what should be done with it. Paint? Trash it? I didn't want to trash it. It's actually a nice mirror and it's nice having one near the door so I can do a quick lipstick check before leaving. So we settled on painting it. The hubs suggested orange and I was totally down. The room needed a pop of color...and it's just paint. It's easy to change if it doesn't work out.
The mirror turned out much better than I expected it to and it really just brings the whole room together.
At first, I wasn't sure if I was going to leave those two paintings where they are. We got them in New Orleans on our honeymoon and I was worried they would look too small for the space...which they do. Plus they're centered on the wall but not over the couch so it looks sort of funny. But I bought some red cube shelves to hang between them and that yellow one is going to get moved over so it's even with the end of the couch. Hopefully that will help fill up the wall space so it won't look so empty.
Still on my list of improvements is to paint that bookshelf next to the couch white and convince the hubs to move an oil painting on the other living room wall...it matched the old decor but not the new and improved!
Moving on...
I quickly settled on lime green and grey. These two colors would be a nice contrast to the brown furniture since replacing it wasn't in my budget. Side note, throw pillows in the bedroom section are ridiculously cheaper than in the home section. I saw these and almost fell over. They were PERFECT!
Next on my list was to find the right curtains. I knew instantly that these curtains were it. They were not cheap (I needed four panels, they cost $30 for two panels) but I love that they are thin enough to let some light in but thick enough that people can't see through them.
{{Excuse the lack of photos. I'm new to this whole documenting-your-whole-life-in-photos thing}}
Once I got my loot home, hung up the curtains and threw the pillows on the couch...the room was still missing something. The mirror that sits between the two windows just wasn't working with the new scheme.
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| See? Not good. |
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| TA DA! Much better |
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| Couch with pillows |
Still on my list of improvements is to paint that bookshelf next to the couch white and convince the hubs to move an oil painting on the other living room wall...it matched the old decor but not the new and improved!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Colin at 8 months
At 8 months (um...wait? where did the year go?), Colin has changed so much. I feel like I need to keep a piece of paper with me to make a list of everything new he learns daily. Here's what I can remember:
-He got his first tooth at 7 months. At 7 and a half months, he got his second tooth. Both are the bottom front teeth. He hasn't been too cranky, thankfully. Hopefully it stays that way.
-He's can pretty much sit up unassisted. He does fall over but it's usually when he tries to look around and loses his balance.
-He's eating about 4.5 ounces of baby food every day. We're working on food with texture. He's had fish, toast and pancakes. He LOVES pickle spears and can take small bites of them but usually he just sucks on them.
-He's consistently sleeping all night finally. We had a rough week a few weeks ago but he was working on that second tooth so that was expected.
-He took his first "big boy" bath the other night. It was a "big boy" bath because it was the first one where he wasn't in his infant tub. He did so well. He sat up all by himself and played with the washcloth and his rubber ducky. I may have shed a few tears.
-He has definitely found his voice. He screams with joy when he's playing with his toys and when he sees Mark and I. He gets especially excited when we pick him up from daycare. He "talks" to Mark and me when we talk to him. It's really cute and melts my heart. I can't wait to hear him say actual words. It's safe to say I'm conditioning him to say my name. I always say to him "say mom, mom, mom". Knowing my luck he'll say "dad" first!
I am genuinely enjoying this stage of his life. He's such a joy. I love watching him discover new things and figure things out on his own. I have to remind myself that I need to stop helping him when he's reaching for a toy or putting the spoon in his mouth. He has to figure things out on his own and I have to figure out how to let him!
-He got his first tooth at 7 months. At 7 and a half months, he got his second tooth. Both are the bottom front teeth. He hasn't been too cranky, thankfully. Hopefully it stays that way.
-He's can pretty much sit up unassisted. He does fall over but it's usually when he tries to look around and loses his balance.
-He's eating about 4.5 ounces of baby food every day. We're working on food with texture. He's had fish, toast and pancakes. He LOVES pickle spears and can take small bites of them but usually he just sucks on them.
-He's consistently sleeping all night finally. We had a rough week a few weeks ago but he was working on that second tooth so that was expected.
-He took his first "big boy" bath the other night. It was a "big boy" bath because it was the first one where he wasn't in his infant tub. He did so well. He sat up all by himself and played with the washcloth and his rubber ducky. I may have shed a few tears.
-He has definitely found his voice. He screams with joy when he's playing with his toys and when he sees Mark and I. He gets especially excited when we pick him up from daycare. He "talks" to Mark and me when we talk to him. It's really cute and melts my heart. I can't wait to hear him say actual words. It's safe to say I'm conditioning him to say my name. I always say to him "say mom, mom, mom". Knowing my luck he'll say "dad" first!
I am genuinely enjoying this stage of his life. He's such a joy. I love watching him discover new things and figure things out on his own. I have to remind myself that I need to stop helping him when he's reaching for a toy or putting the spoon in his mouth. He has to figure things out on his own and I have to figure out how to let him!
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| Not a fan of pictures |
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| Sitting up! |
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| First Fourth of July |
Can we skip August?
August is coming...in 8 short days. I'm dreading it. Here's why:
-Mark leaves for a work trip. He'll be gone during the week. Which means I'll have to figure out how to get myself and Colin ready alone and make it to work by 7 AM.
-Mark's gone for pretty much the entire length of the Iowa State Fair...which means I'm going to miss it.
-Colin turns 9 months old on the 25th. Which means he'll be one in three freakin' months! Where the heck has the time gone?
So if time could just skip right over August, I'd be totally fine with it.
-Mark leaves for a work trip. He'll be gone during the week. Which means I'll have to figure out how to get myself and Colin ready alone and make it to work by 7 AM.
-Mark's gone for pretty much the entire length of the Iowa State Fair...which means I'm going to miss it.
-Colin turns 9 months old on the 25th. Which means he'll be one in three freakin' months! Where the heck has the time gone?
So if time could just skip right over August, I'd be totally fine with it.
Monday, July 4, 2011
PBWL - An update FINALLY!
So this morning when I stepped on to the scale, I was expecting to see the number I've seen for as long as I can remember: 138.4. Seeing the same number over and over and over again was getting old but I just kept reminding myself "You're maintaining, not gaining. That is a victory.".
As I was getting set to repeat that sentence to myself for the millionth time, this popped up on my scale...
WHAA?! Two pounds?! I can't believe it. THAT, my friends, is a victory :-)
Now let me tell you how I did it. I've started running. Not far, not fast, just running as far as I can for as long as I can.
Remember when I said I started going to the gym with a friend three times a week? We were doing so well, running on the treadmill and lifting weights. But recently some illnesses (mine and hers) have come up which hindered us keeping up with our schedule. I have been itching to test out my new {acutal!} running shoes and since I couldn't get to the gym, I decided to put my fears of running outside aside. I packed up the fam and we headed to Gray's Lake to walk/run the trail. Once I got a taste of outside running, I. Was. Hooked.
I've always heard running outside is harder than on a treadmill. It was quite the opposite for me. Running on concrete allowed me to run at my own pace and distance instead of "racing" the person next to me. I ran over half a mile - without stopping or walking - for the first time in my entire life. On the treadmill, I was constantly watching the clock instead of listening to my body. Outside, I just run. I push myself to just make it to the next tree, next fence, next driveway.
It's a glorious feeling to push yourself out of your comfort zone. I highly recommend you all try it :-)
As I was getting set to repeat that sentence to myself for the millionth time, this popped up on my scale...
{136.4}
WHAA?! Two pounds?! I can't believe it. THAT, my friends, is a victory :-)
Now let me tell you how I did it. I've started running. Not far, not fast, just running as far as I can for as long as I can.
Remember when I said I started going to the gym with a friend three times a week? We were doing so well, running on the treadmill and lifting weights. But recently some illnesses (mine and hers) have come up which hindered us keeping up with our schedule. I have been itching to test out my new {acutal!} running shoes and since I couldn't get to the gym, I decided to put my fears of running outside aside. I packed up the fam and we headed to Gray's Lake to walk/run the trail. Once I got a taste of outside running, I. Was. Hooked.
I've always heard running outside is harder than on a treadmill. It was quite the opposite for me. Running on concrete allowed me to run at my own pace and distance instead of "racing" the person next to me. I ran over half a mile - without stopping or walking - for the first time in my entire life. On the treadmill, I was constantly watching the clock instead of listening to my body. Outside, I just run. I push myself to just make it to the next tree, next fence, next driveway.
It's a glorious feeling to push yourself out of your comfort zone. I highly recommend you all try it :-)
Monday, June 27, 2011
Baby afro puff
Colin is finally getting hair. It's thin, wispy and blond. It also doesn't lay flat. It's what we lovingly refer to as a "fro-hawk". It's an Afro on the sides and a Mohawk down the middle.
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The last picture makes me laugh uncontrollably whenever I see it. He looks like I use shock therapy on him every time I take his picture.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
By The Numbers
This week the company I work for held a health fair. The premise of it was to "Know Your Numbers". Unfortunately, my family medical history includes almost every disease under the sun so it's important that I stay on top of my health. Because of that, I signed up for an appointment to have a health screening done.
I showed up for my appointment with a genuine curiosity about what my results would be. Of course, I was mostly concerned with my BMI and body fat percentage. I'll be honest, when I got my results I was pleasantly surprised. And because I'm all in to Keeping It Real, here are my actual numbers:
Total Cholesterol: 129 mg/dL. Optimal is less than 200 mg/dL
HDL (Good) Cholesterol: 46 mg/dL. Optimal is higher than 50 mg/dL for females.
TC/HDL Ratio: 2.8. Optimal is less than 4.0.
LDL (Bad) Cholesterol: N/A. They couldn't get a reading from my blood work (no idea why).
Triglycerides: Less than 45 mg/dL. Optimal is less than 150 mg/dL.
Glucose (blood sugar): 76 mg/dL. Optimal is less than 100 mg/dL after fasting, which I did.
Blood Pressure: 104/70 mm Hg. Optimal is less than 120/80 mm Hg.
Now for the good stuff.
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 140.8. The nurse kindly dropped the ".8" to make it an even 140. What an angel :-)
Body Fat Percentage: 28.8%. Healthy range for my age group (20-40) is 21-33%.
BMI: 24.5 kg/m(squared). A BMI of 18.5 to 24.9 is considered "Normal".
A few things I learned:
-I am in good health over all.
-I am perfectly healthy at this weight. If I keep working to maintain it, I'll be good to go!
-I need a new scale. I weighed myself like I usually do before getting in the shower and my scale read almost 2 pounds higher - and I was naked! You shouldn't weigh less fully clothed than you do naked...you just shouldn't.
-The Internet is an excellent resource to research your health concerns. Just make sure you use a reputable website. I was encouraged by the RN to use the net to learn more about what my results mean.
So there ya have it. I'm healthy! It's extremely important to be in charge of your health. A regular doctor can perform all of the tests I had done today so get to the doctor people! You are the only one who can change your health.
I showed up for my appointment with a genuine curiosity about what my results would be. Of course, I was mostly concerned with my BMI and body fat percentage. I'll be honest, when I got my results I was pleasantly surprised. And because I'm all in to Keeping It Real, here are my actual numbers:
Total Cholesterol: 129 mg/dL. Optimal is less than 200 mg/dL
HDL (Good) Cholesterol: 46 mg/dL. Optimal is higher than 50 mg/dL for females.
TC/HDL Ratio: 2.8. Optimal is less than 4.0.
LDL (Bad) Cholesterol: N/A. They couldn't get a reading from my blood work (no idea why).
Triglycerides: Less than 45 mg/dL. Optimal is less than 150 mg/dL.
Glucose (blood sugar): 76 mg/dL. Optimal is less than 100 mg/dL after fasting, which I did.
Blood Pressure: 104/70 mm Hg. Optimal is less than 120/80 mm Hg.
Now for the good stuff.
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 140.8. The nurse kindly dropped the ".8" to make it an even 140. What an angel :-)
Body Fat Percentage: 28.8%. Healthy range for my age group (20-40) is 21-33%.
BMI: 24.5 kg/m(squared). A BMI of 18.5 to 24.9 is considered "Normal".
A few things I learned:
-I am in good health over all.
-I am perfectly healthy at this weight. If I keep working to maintain it, I'll be good to go!
-I need a new scale. I weighed myself like I usually do before getting in the shower and my scale read almost 2 pounds higher - and I was naked! You shouldn't weigh less fully clothed than you do naked...you just shouldn't.
-The Internet is an excellent resource to research your health concerns. Just make sure you use a reputable website. I was encouraged by the RN to use the net to learn more about what my results mean.
So there ya have it. I'm healthy! It's extremely important to be in charge of your health. A regular doctor can perform all of the tests I had done today so get to the doctor people! You are the only one who can change your health.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Family Fun Day
Today we took some time to explore the city we live in. And we did it all for free! Well, mostly free. Lunch and the snack were not free :-)
We started by taking Colin "swimming" for the first time. We found a park near our house that has a free wading pool for kids. It was pretty awesome...until we - and our camera - got soaked by some asshole teenagers. I may have dropped an "effing kids" and some other choice words but they deserved it. Anyway, I'm sure it was an accident, the camera was fine and they did apologize so all was forgiven.
Colin's reaction to the water was pretty much anti-climatic. He just kind of went with it...until Mark sat him down and the water touched his stomach. Then screams ensued. And I laughed. That's right...I'm that kind of mom :-)
After our swimming extravaganza, we headed toward the state capitol. I had never been inside the capitol and Mark hadn't been for a very long time so this stop was more for us. Surprisingly, Colin loved it, too. He was giggling and looking around at everything. We crashed a tour group in the state senate room and Colin listened intently as the guide explained what happens there. We were very proud of him.
We started by taking Colin "swimming" for the first time. We found a park near our house that has a free wading pool for kids. It was pretty awesome...until we - and our camera - got soaked by some asshole teenagers. I may have dropped an "effing kids" and some other choice words but they deserved it. Anyway, I'm sure it was an accident, the camera was fine and they did apologize so all was forgiven.
Colin's reaction to the water was pretty much anti-climatic. He just kind of went with it...until Mark sat him down and the water touched his stomach. Then screams ensued. And I laughed. That's right...I'm that kind of mom :-)
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| I call this his "What the...?" face. |
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| The water is touching his belly! |
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| Colin outside his future office. |
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| Inside the dome. The picture does not do it justice. |
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| I love this view of the capitol. |
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| Downtown Des Moines skyline. |
We had a fantastic family fun day and can't wait to find more free stuff to do!
Six month stats
Colin had his six month check up today. Here's the stats:
*Weight: 16 pounds 3 ounces - 30th percentile. Down from the 50th but the doc wasn't concerned since he gained.
*Height: 27 inches - 50th percentile.
*Head Circumference: 42.5 inches - 25th percentile.
Mark and I were trying to guess how much he weighed before the appointment. I guessed around 20 pounds. Mark said 18-20. We were both waaaaaaaaaaay off! I'll be honest, I was nervous when the nurse said he's now in the 30th percentile for weight when he was in the 50th at his 4 month appointment. But she explained that it's nothing to worry about because the growth chart uses all his stats - height, weight, head circumference - and compares them to where "average" children of his age fall. So since he didn't gain much weight and he's 3 inches taller, it makes sense that his percentile would go down. He's growing at a steady, healthy rate and that's all that matters. She also commented on how happy and bubbly he is, so that was nice to hear. It makes Mark and I feel like we're doing something right as parents!
Thankfully there were only two shots and an oral vaccine this time. It was interesting for me to watch how his reaction to the vaccines changes each time we go. At two months, he cried (obviously) but he stopped almost instantly and didn't really seem bothered by them. He had kind of the same reaction at four months but the worse time was the next day. His legs were sore, he was super cranky and he ran a fever all day. This time...he was definitely pissed! His face turned bright red, he wanted to cry so hard that it took him about 20 seconds to get the cry out. He calmed down relatively quickly after I picked him up but I could tell he was not happy - not that I blame him!
Today I also noticed that he definitely reacts more to things that upset him. In particular, he blows raspberries. He HATES having his ears checked so when the doctor turned his head to the side, his face turned red, he cried and started furiously blowing raspberries. He did the same thing at the nurse when she gave him the oral vaccine. It's fun to watch how he shows when he's upset. Gives me an insight in to my future ;-)
We don't go back for a checkup until 9 months and there will be NO SHOTS! HOORAY!
Here's a picture of my boy sporting his firetruck sticker he got from the doctor. Notice his face? He was screaming and getting ready to blow a raspberry.
*Weight: 16 pounds 3 ounces - 30th percentile. Down from the 50th but the doc wasn't concerned since he gained.
*Height: 27 inches - 50th percentile.
*Head Circumference: 42.5 inches - 25th percentile.
Mark and I were trying to guess how much he weighed before the appointment. I guessed around 20 pounds. Mark said 18-20. We were both waaaaaaaaaaay off! I'll be honest, I was nervous when the nurse said he's now in the 30th percentile for weight when he was in the 50th at his 4 month appointment. But she explained that it's nothing to worry about because the growth chart uses all his stats - height, weight, head circumference - and compares them to where "average" children of his age fall. So since he didn't gain much weight and he's 3 inches taller, it makes sense that his percentile would go down. He's growing at a steady, healthy rate and that's all that matters. She also commented on how happy and bubbly he is, so that was nice to hear. It makes Mark and I feel like we're doing something right as parents!
Thankfully there were only two shots and an oral vaccine this time. It was interesting for me to watch how his reaction to the vaccines changes each time we go. At two months, he cried (obviously) but he stopped almost instantly and didn't really seem bothered by them. He had kind of the same reaction at four months but the worse time was the next day. His legs were sore, he was super cranky and he ran a fever all day. This time...he was definitely pissed! His face turned bright red, he wanted to cry so hard that it took him about 20 seconds to get the cry out. He calmed down relatively quickly after I picked him up but I could tell he was not happy - not that I blame him!
Today I also noticed that he definitely reacts more to things that upset him. In particular, he blows raspberries. He HATES having his ears checked so when the doctor turned his head to the side, his face turned red, he cried and started furiously blowing raspberries. He did the same thing at the nurse when she gave him the oral vaccine. It's fun to watch how he shows when he's upset. Gives me an insight in to my future ;-)
We don't go back for a checkup until 9 months and there will be NO SHOTS! HOORAY!
Here's a picture of my boy sporting his firetruck sticker he got from the doctor. Notice his face? He was screaming and getting ready to blow a raspberry.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Post Baby Weight Loss
Quick update this week.
I forgot to weigh myself this morning. I'm kind of glad I did since I'm sure I'm up a lot. The will power to eat healthy last week was no where to be found. I did work out 4 times though, so there's that.
This week I plan to:
-Eat every meal at home.
-Drink a gallon of water every day NO MATTER WHAT.
-Go to the gym Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.
-Run at the gym, even if it's just for one minute at a time.
-Do 50 minutes of pilates twice.
I know this week I probably won't lose much but I'm hoping to at least get back down to the weight I was before all hell broke lose.
Have a great week!
I forgot to weigh myself this morning. I'm kind of glad I did since I'm sure I'm up a lot. The will power to eat healthy last week was no where to be found. I did work out 4 times though, so there's that.
This week I plan to:
-Eat every meal at home.
-Drink a gallon of water every day NO MATTER WHAT.
-Go to the gym Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.
-Run at the gym, even if it's just for one minute at a time.
-Do 50 minutes of pilates twice.
I know this week I probably won't lose much but I'm hoping to at least get back down to the weight I was before all hell broke lose.
Have a great week!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Post baby weight loss update
It's been a long time since I updated about my weight loss. Mainly because there hasn't been any.
And I'm OK with that.
I've been working to accept my body as it is. I have to accept it in order to change it. After I lost weight the first time with Weight Watchers, I knew my body inside and out. I knew what my metabolism was like, what I needed to do to lose a pound...that kind of thing.
After having Colin, my whole body is different, not just my appearance. My metabolism is slower, my hormones are wrecked. I needed to take time off to really get tuned in with my body again.
Some things I've learned:
-I have to workout twice as hard as I did before.
-I have to really watch what I eat.
-Water. Lots and lots of water is absolutely a necessity.
After I cancelled my WW subscription, I looked back through my Tracker to see if I could find any trends. I noticed I eat a lot of bread. Like at almost every meal. No wonder I can't lose weight...I'm bogged down with bread! And I don't drink nearly enough water seeing as how I've been living off caffeine for the last six months. So I decided to do something about it.
I've replaced my morning English muffin with Greek Yogurt and my usual lunch (a sandwich) with a lettuce wrap. I thought I would be starving (and tired as hell!) for sure but I wasn't. I actually felt a lot better. I wasn't as weighed down and I didn't feel as "heavy". These are changes I'm sticking with for sure.
I haven't lost much weight but I'm hoping that will change with my new workout schedule. A friend from work and I have decided to start working out together. We'll be going to the gym 3 times a week. Hopefully having someone to hold me accountable will force me to stick with it.
Stay tuned :-)
And I'm OK with that.
I've been working to accept my body as it is. I have to accept it in order to change it. After I lost weight the first time with Weight Watchers, I knew my body inside and out. I knew what my metabolism was like, what I needed to do to lose a pound...that kind of thing.
After having Colin, my whole body is different, not just my appearance. My metabolism is slower, my hormones are wrecked. I needed to take time off to really get tuned in with my body again.
Some things I've learned:
-I have to workout twice as hard as I did before.
-I have to really watch what I eat.
-Water. Lots and lots of water is absolutely a necessity.
After I cancelled my WW subscription, I looked back through my Tracker to see if I could find any trends. I noticed I eat a lot of bread. Like at almost every meal. No wonder I can't lose weight...I'm bogged down with bread! And I don't drink nearly enough water seeing as how I've been living off caffeine for the last six months. So I decided to do something about it.
I've replaced my morning English muffin with Greek Yogurt and my usual lunch (a sandwich) with a lettuce wrap. I thought I would be starving (and tired as hell!) for sure but I wasn't. I actually felt a lot better. I wasn't as weighed down and I didn't feel as "heavy". These are changes I'm sticking with for sure.
I haven't lost much weight but I'm hoping that will change with my new workout schedule. A friend from work and I have decided to start working out together. We'll be going to the gym 3 times a week. Hopefully having someone to hold me accountable will force me to stick with it.
Stay tuned :-)
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Oh, the emotions!
The emotions I have endured since having Colin have been a roller coaster. I have such such an immense love for him that it overwhelms me on the regular. Exhibit A: This past week.
Monday
The hubs was offered (and accepted!) a new position. While waiting for the offer to come his way, we daydreamed about what we would do with all the extra money that was a sure thing with his new title. My wish list, in order of importance, was:
I was warned repeatedly to not get my hopes up for my number one wish. But come on, how could I not?! Then the offer came and WHAM! All my hopes and dreams were viciously squashed.
Mark came to my desk and wrote me a note. "You cannot stay home".
Shit. "Why?"
"The salary is not what we were expecting". I was barely able to hold back my tears. But I had to hold it together. I had to go in to "Supportive Wife" mode and tell Mark how proud I am of him. How happy and excited I am for him. And I am. I so, so, so am. He deserves this success.
I started asking how much more it is per week, what we can do with the extra money, etc, etc.
"It's not even enough to put Colin in a better daycare".
There goes wish # 2.
Tuesday
I was able to keep my emotions in check and stay in my "Supportive Wife" mode. I had a half day at work so being with Colin made it easy to not think about it much.
Wednesday
All hell broke loose. I completely lost my shit. I cried at work...twice. I picked stupid fights with Mark. And this was all before noon.
I tried to talk to Mark about how it totally effing sucks that we can't really do anything with his new salary and nothing ever works out for us.
Pity party. Table for one.
Of course, he got pissed and shot back that he would get a part time job and then I could work part time and stay home with Colin. That's not what I want at all.
I went to bed upset and cried myself to sleep.
Thursday
I woke up in an even worse mood. I could barely even speak to Mark without choking up. I cried at work AGAIN. I picked stupid fights...again. It got so bad he may have told me to eff off. Ouch.
Mark kept asking me what I was so mad about. I tried to explain to him that I wasn't mad. I was disappointed. I wanted to make a better future for our son so badly and now it won't happen. Finally, he reacted in a positive way.
He sat me down and explained that while the salary is not what we had hoped for, it is more and we can make a better future for our family.
"You get wish number 3. Doesn't that count?"
It does. In the grand scheme of things, it counts more than wish number one and number two. Why did it take me so long to effing realize that?!
I'm finally able to see that our family is about to have a new beginning.
We're fixing some small things on our house so we can put it on the market this fall and move to a better neighborhood with a better school district.
I'm so relieved Mark was finally able to pull me out of my emotional haze and force me to re-focus on what's important.
I get so involved with these new, intense emotions that it makes me feel like I have blinders on.
And it scares the hell out of me.
Monday
The hubs was offered (and accepted!) a new position. While waiting for the offer to come his way, we daydreamed about what we would do with all the extra money that was a sure thing with his new title. My wish list, in order of importance, was:
1. Become a stay at home mom.
2. A better daycare for Colin. Preferably a center where he will be with kids his own age.
3. A new house in a better school district.I was warned repeatedly to not get my hopes up for my number one wish. But come on, how could I not?! Then the offer came and WHAM! All my hopes and dreams were viciously squashed.
Mark came to my desk and wrote me a note. "You cannot stay home".
Shit. "Why?"
"The salary is not what we were expecting". I was barely able to hold back my tears. But I had to hold it together. I had to go in to "Supportive Wife" mode and tell Mark how proud I am of him. How happy and excited I am for him. And I am. I so, so, so am. He deserves this success.
I started asking how much more it is per week, what we can do with the extra money, etc, etc.
"It's not even enough to put Colin in a better daycare".
There goes wish # 2.
Tuesday
I was able to keep my emotions in check and stay in my "Supportive Wife" mode. I had a half day at work so being with Colin made it easy to not think about it much.
Wednesday
All hell broke loose. I completely lost my shit. I cried at work...twice. I picked stupid fights with Mark. And this was all before noon.
I tried to talk to Mark about how it totally effing sucks that we can't really do anything with his new salary and nothing ever works out for us.
Pity party. Table for one.
Of course, he got pissed and shot back that he would get a part time job and then I could work part time and stay home with Colin. That's not what I want at all.
I went to bed upset and cried myself to sleep.
Thursday
I woke up in an even worse mood. I could barely even speak to Mark without choking up. I cried at work AGAIN. I picked stupid fights...again. It got so bad he may have told me to eff off. Ouch.
Mark kept asking me what I was so mad about. I tried to explain to him that I wasn't mad. I was disappointed. I wanted to make a better future for our son so badly and now it won't happen. Finally, he reacted in a positive way.
He sat me down and explained that while the salary is not what we had hoped for, it is more and we can make a better future for our family.
"You get wish number 3. Doesn't that count?"
It does. In the grand scheme of things, it counts more than wish number one and number two. Why did it take me so long to effing realize that?!
I'm finally able to see that our family is about to have a new beginning.
We're fixing some small things on our house so we can put it on the market this fall and move to a better neighborhood with a better school district.
I'm so relieved Mark was finally able to pull me out of my emotional haze and force me to re-focus on what's important.
I get so involved with these new, intense emotions that it makes me feel like I have blinders on.
And it scares the hell out of me.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
6 Months
Dear Colin:
Today you are 6 months old. We can’t believe how fast the time went. You are growing in to such a happy, loving, funny, strong, beautiful boy.
We want to share with you some of the things we never want to forget about your first six months.
• How you kick your legs with so much force and determination. Then you smile and laugh when you realize someone was watching.
• How you study Daddy’s face when he talks/sings to you.
• How your face lights up when Mommy talks to you.
• Your smile, laugh, talking and cooing.
• How you love to eat your fruits and veggies. Sorry honey, had to throw that one in for when you’re older!
• How you love to move. You are moving non-stop from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep. We call you “Fists of Fury” because you’re arms are constantly in motion.
• How much you have changed us.
• How you snuggle when we get you out of bed in the morning.
• How anything put in your hands goes straight into your mouth.
• The time you peed all over Daddy at the doctor.
• The time you giggled for a full minute while waiting to be weighed at the doctor.
• The time you peed all over Mommy while waiting for Daddy.
• The time you spit up all over Mommy.
• The first time you rolled over. You rolled from your tummy to your back and we were so excited!
• The first time you smiled. It was in response to Mommy talking to you.
You have changed so much in six short months. Watching you grow is bitter sweet for us. We are so happy to see you flourish and learn new things. But time goes by too fast. Every day you become a little more independent and that’s hard for Mommy and Daddy to get used to.
So happy half birthday, baby. We love you more than you will ever know.
To the moon and back,
Mommy and Daddy
Today you are 6 months old. We can’t believe how fast the time went. You are growing in to such a happy, loving, funny, strong, beautiful boy.
We want to share with you some of the things we never want to forget about your first six months.
• How you kick your legs with so much force and determination. Then you smile and laugh when you realize someone was watching.
• How you study Daddy’s face when he talks/sings to you.
• How your face lights up when Mommy talks to you.
• Your smile, laugh, talking and cooing.
• How you love to eat your fruits and veggies. Sorry honey, had to throw that one in for when you’re older!
• How you love to move. You are moving non-stop from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep. We call you “Fists of Fury” because you’re arms are constantly in motion.
• How much you have changed us.
• How you snuggle when we get you out of bed in the morning.
• How anything put in your hands goes straight into your mouth.
• The time you peed all over Daddy at the doctor.
• The time you giggled for a full minute while waiting to be weighed at the doctor.
• The time you peed all over Mommy while waiting for Daddy.
• The time you spit up all over Mommy.
• The first time you rolled over. You rolled from your tummy to your back and we were so excited!
• The first time you smiled. It was in response to Mommy talking to you.
You have changed so much in six short months. Watching you grow is bitter sweet for us. We are so happy to see you flourish and learn new things. But time goes by too fast. Every day you become a little more independent and that’s hard for Mommy and Daddy to get used to.
So happy half birthday, baby. We love you more than you will ever know.
To the moon and back,
Mommy and Daddy
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| November 25, 2010 |
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| May 25, 2011 |
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Pureed carrots a la Mama
I had some carrot chips that were a few days away from expiring. I can't say I like carrots, I tolerate them, so I knew there was no way I was going to be able to eat them before they expired. I decided instead of just throwing them away, I would puree them for Colin. I was absolutely ecstatic at the thought of making his food. It made me feel like a real mom.
With the first batch of carrots, I pretty much just threw them in the food processor with some formula and hoped for the best. What I got was chunky carrot soup. Not exactly what I was looking for. So I busted out the blender and, after a few user technical difficulties, my chunky carrot soup actually started to resemble baby food. It still had some chunks so I put that batch in the freezer container and made a mental note to give it to Colin when he's a little older.
I got smarter with the second batch. I steamed the carrots first.
Then I tossed them in the blender with more formula and pureed the heck outta them. To my surprise, the result actually looked like something out of a jar. Success!
Let me tell you...I am so glad I married a kleptomaniac who stole everything that wasn't nailed down from the hospital. Those plastic bottles that breastmilk is supposed to go in are the perfect size for homemade baby food.
I haven't actually fed Colin any of the carrots yet...he's currently working on green beans. If he knows what's good for him, the carrots will be his favorite because of how hard I worked to make them for him ;-)
With the first batch of carrots, I pretty much just threw them in the food processor with some formula and hoped for the best. What I got was chunky carrot soup. Not exactly what I was looking for. So I busted out the blender and, after a few
I got smarter with the second batch. I steamed the carrots first.
Then I tossed them in the blender with more formula and pureed the heck outta them. To my surprise, the result actually looked like something out of a jar. Success!
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| Pureed carrot-y goodness! |
I haven't actually fed Colin any of the carrots yet...he's currently working on green beans. If he knows what's good for him, the carrots will be his favorite because of how hard I worked to make them for him ;-)
Road Trippin'
I took Colin on his first ever road trip this past weekend. My sister-in-law, Heather and my niece, Alexis, all piled in to the car and headed to Spencer to visit Jaci, our "Sista From Anotha Motha". It had been around 6 months since we'd all been together and that is just too effing long.
November 2010 was such a life changing month for myself and for Jaci. I became a mommy and she moved home to be with her family and save money for her big move to the East Coast. I am so proud of her. Not to mention excited, nervous and envious :-) She is working hard toward knocking a major item off of her life "To Do" list and she isn't letting anyone or anything hold her back! She also deserves a shout out for one other item she crossed off her "To Do" list - losing weight. Losing weight isn't supposed to be easy but she made it seem that way. She looks insanely good now (not that she didn't before!). Again, so so so proud of her!
Anyway, back to the road trip. We didn't exactly pick the best day to take a road trip. It rained all day. Boo. But we made the most of it. We laughed, talked, ate Mexican food - the usual. It's kind of ironic how our lives changed so much in six months but nothing was really new.
It was so nice to get away and have some girl/family time.
Can't wait to do it again. Hopefully next time our girl/family time will take place in NYC ;-)
November 2010 was such a life changing month for myself and for Jaci. I became a mommy and she moved home to be with her family and save money for her big move to the East Coast. I am so proud of her. Not to mention excited, nervous and envious :-) She is working hard toward knocking a major item off of her life "To Do" list and she isn't letting anyone or anything hold her back! She also deserves a shout out for one other item she crossed off her "To Do" list - losing weight. Losing weight isn't supposed to be easy but she made it seem that way. She looks insanely good now (not that she didn't before!). Again, so so so proud of her!
Anyway, back to the road trip. We didn't exactly pick the best day to take a road trip. It rained all day. Boo. But we made the most of it. We laughed, talked, ate Mexican food - the usual. It's kind of ironic how our lives changed so much in six months but nothing was really new.
It was so nice to get away and have some girl/family time.
Can't wait to do it again. Hopefully next time our girl/family time will take place in NYC ;-)
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