Since Colin was born, I have proudly worn my Mommy hat for all to see. But in the back of my mind...I have a nagging voice saying "you're not being you".
Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love being that boys mama. It is my greatest joy. But that voice is correct. Being a mama is not everything that I am. I'm also a woman and I have desires/needs/wants that aren't currently being met.
Mostly I miss doing things that are just for me. I long to have a hobby. Something I can do that is only for me. I miss challenging myself, going outside of my comfort zone. I've become so used to having a baby permanently attached to my hip that I've developed a fear of doing things by myself (I can't explain it...maybe I'm fearful something bad will happen to me...who knows). One day last week I got so annoyed with being unhappy that I picked up the phone and joined the local Y. Whee!!!
There's free group fitness classes and amazingly nice, helpful, friendly people. I LOVE it! I refuse to miss any time with Colin (since I get so little during the week) so I wake up early and get to the gym by 5:15. On my second day, I took a spin class. Admittedly I thought the spin class was going to be so much easier than it really was. I literally almost passed out but I freaking loved every second of it. I could not wipe the smile off my face all day.
There was a moment in the class where I must have looked uncomfortable because the teacher mouthed "Are you OK?". I smiled and nodded my head. I was completely out of my comfort zone but I was OK. I was better than OK. I felt alive.
I look forward every day to having that hour to myself. I need it for my sanity. Every time I step through those doors, I get a little piece of my old self back.
It's the best thing I've ever done for myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment