Oh, the emotions!

The emotions I have endured since having Colin have been a roller coaster. I have such such an immense love for him that it overwhelms me on the regular. Exhibit A: This past week.

Monday
 The hubs was offered (and accepted!) a new position. While waiting for the offer to come his way, we daydreamed about what we would do with all the extra money that was a sure thing with his new title. My wish list, in order of importance, was:

      1. Become a stay at home mom.

      2. A better daycare for Colin. Preferably a center where he will be with kids his own age.

      3. A new house in a better school district.

I was warned repeatedly to not get my hopes up for my number one  wish. But come on, how could I not?! Then the offer came and WHAM! All my hopes and dreams were viciously squashed.

Mark came to my desk and wrote me a note. "You cannot stay home".

Shit. "Why?"

"The salary is not what we were expecting". I was barely able to hold back my tears. But I had to hold it together. I had to go in to "Supportive Wife" mode and tell Mark how proud I am of him. How happy and excited I am for him. And I am. I so, so, so am. He deserves this success.

I started asking how much more it is per week, what we can do with the extra money, etc, etc.

"It's not even enough to put Colin in a better daycare".

There goes wish # 2.

Tuesday
I was able to keep my emotions in check and stay in my "Supportive Wife" mode. I had a half day at work so being with Colin made it easy to not think about it much.

Wednesday
All hell broke loose. I completely lost my shit. I cried at work...twice. I picked stupid fights with Mark. And this was all before noon.

I tried to talk to Mark about how it totally effing sucks that we can't really do anything with his new salary and nothing ever works out for us.

Pity party. Table for one.

Of course, he got pissed and shot back that he would get a part time job and then I could work part time and stay home with Colin. That's not what I want at all.

I went to bed upset and cried myself to sleep.

Thursday
I woke up in an even worse mood. I could barely even speak to Mark without choking up. I cried at work AGAIN. I picked stupid fights...again. It got so bad he may have told me to eff off. Ouch.

Mark kept asking me what I was so mad about. I tried to explain to him that I wasn't mad. I was disappointed. I wanted to make a better future for our son so badly and now it won't happen. Finally, he reacted in a positive way.

He sat me down and explained that while the salary is not what we had hoped for, it is more and we can make a better future for our family.

"You get wish number 3. Doesn't that count?"

It does. In the grand scheme of things, it counts more than wish number one and number two. Why did it take me so long to effing realize that?!

I'm finally able to see that our family is about to have a new beginning.

We're fixing some small things on our house so we can put it on the market this fall and move to a better neighborhood with a better school district.

I'm so relieved Mark was finally able to pull me out of my emotional haze and force me to re-focus on what's important.

I get so involved with these new, intense emotions that it makes me feel like I have blinders on.

And it scares the hell out of me.

6 Months

Dear Colin:


Today you are 6 months old. We can’t believe how fast the time went. You are growing in to such a happy, loving, funny, strong, beautiful boy.
We want to share with you some of the things we never want to forget about your first six months.
• How you kick your legs with so much force and determination. Then you smile and laugh when you realize someone was watching.
• How you study Daddy’s face when he talks/sings to you.
• How your face lights up when Mommy talks to you.
• Your smile, laugh, talking and cooing.
• How you love to eat your fruits and veggies. Sorry honey, had to throw that one in for when you’re older!
• How you love to move. You are moving non-stop from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep. We call you “Fists of Fury” because you’re arms are constantly in motion.
• How much you have changed us.
• How you snuggle when we get you out of bed in the morning.
• How anything put in your hands goes straight into your mouth.
• The time you peed all over Daddy at the doctor.
• The time you giggled for a full minute while waiting to be weighed at the doctor.
• The time you peed all over Mommy while waiting for Daddy.
• The time you spit up all over Mommy.
• The first time you rolled over. You rolled from your tummy to your back and we were so excited!
• The first time you smiled. It was in response to Mommy talking to you.


You have changed so much in six short months. Watching you grow is bitter sweet for us. We are so happy to see you flourish and learn new things. But time goes by too fast. Every day you become a little more independent and that’s hard for Mommy and Daddy to get used to.


So happy half birthday, baby. We love you more than you will ever know.

To the moon and back,

Mommy and Daddy



November 25, 2010




May 25, 2011



Pureed carrots a la Mama

I had some carrot chips that were a few days away from expiring. I can't say I like carrots, I tolerate them, so I knew there was no way I was going to be able to eat them before they expired. I decided instead of just throwing them away, I would puree them for Colin. I was absolutely ecstatic at the thought of making his food. It made me feel like a real mom.

With the first batch of carrots, I pretty much just threw them in the food processor with some formula and hoped for the best. What I got was chunky carrot soup. Not exactly what I was looking for. So I busted out the blender and, after a few user technical difficulties, my chunky carrot soup actually started to resemble baby food. It still had some chunks so I put that batch in the freezer container and made a mental note to give it to Colin when he's a little older.

I got smarter with the second batch. I steamed the carrots first.

Then I tossed them in the blender with more formula and pureed the heck outta them. To my surprise, the result actually looked like something out of a jar. Success!



Pureed carrot-y goodness!

Let me tell you...I am so glad I married a kleptomaniac who stole everything that wasn't nailed down from the hospital. Those plastic bottles that breastmilk is supposed to go in are the perfect size for homemade baby food.

I haven't actually fed Colin any of the carrots yet...he's currently working on green beans. If he knows what's good for him, the carrots will be his favorite because of how hard I worked to make them for him ;-)

Road Trippin'

I took Colin on his first ever road trip this past weekend. My sister-in-law, Heather and my niece, Alexis, all piled in to the car and headed to Spencer to visit Jaci, our "Sista From Anotha Motha". It had been around 6 months since we'd all been together and that is just too effing long.

November 2010 was such a life changing month for myself and for Jaci. I became a mommy and she moved home to be with her family and save money for her big move to the East Coast. I am so proud of her. Not to mention excited, nervous and envious :-) She is working hard toward knocking a major item off of her life "To Do" list and she isn't letting anyone or anything hold her back! She also deserves a shout out for one other item she crossed off her "To Do" list - losing weight. Losing weight isn't supposed to be easy but she made it seem that way. She looks insanely good now (not that she didn't before!). Again, so so so proud of her!

Anyway, back to the road trip. We didn't exactly pick the best day to take a road trip. It rained all day. Boo. But we made the most of it. We laughed, talked, ate Mexican food - the usual. It's kind of ironic how our lives changed so much in six months but nothing was really new.

It was so nice to get away and have some girl/family time.

Can't wait to do it again. Hopefully next time our girl/family time will take place in NYC ;-)

Babywearing

Last night I cleaned the entire first floor of my house like this...

And this morning? I could barely. move. Apparently carrying 20 extra pounds of dead weight works muscles I didn't even know I had.

Solids!

We have been trying to give Colin rice cereal for a few weeks without success. He refused to eat anything off a spoon. I like to say that he will stick everything in his mouth EXCEPT a spoon, which is pretty much true.

I've been noticing that he watches me while I eat or drink and a few time, he's reached for my spoon or glass. Yesterday I tried giving him a little bit of a banana and he loved it! So Mark and I decided that we should try the sweet potatoes we got him for Easter.

Um... it didn't go so well. He would barely even open his mouth. Dang!

We've never forced him to eat. We've just let him eat and when he's done, he's done. That's the approach we've taken with solids, too. We try a few bites and if he acts uninterested, we stop. Getting him to eat solid food is a work in progress. I've been prepared to have to work at it until he gets it, especially since he has been so adverse to a spoon.

But tonight, he got it! He chowed down on his sweet potatoes like a champ. I wasn't really sure how much to let him eat so I just fed him until he showed signs he was finished. He ate about a third of the jar. Call me a crazy momma but I was proud, excited and sad all at one time. I'm not really sure why I got so emotional about it but it seriously made me tear up! It really hit me that he's growing up and there's not a damn thing I can do about it! Poor kid...I'm going to be an emotional wreck at all his milestones :-)

Here is a picture to commemorate his successful meal!

I don't know if we'll give him food every night but we'll certainly do it more now that he's clearly gotten the hang of it!

My first Mother's Day

Last year on Mother's Day I was only about a minute pregnant. But that didn't stop me from forcing the hubbs to get me a card and take me out for lunch :-)

This year was much more special. It's the first time I can officially celebrate Mother's Day as a mother. I barely feel old enough to make my own doctors appointments so it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that I am now responsible for another person.

Nonetheless, I am indeed a mother and today was all about me. Yay!

The day started with Colin waking up at his usual 5:30 AM. Thanks, buddy. It was nice to have some quiet time with him, though. We just lounged and hung out. Then Mark brought me breakfast in bed...Rice Krispies and a banana - high class! I shared some of my banana with Colin. He'd never had a banana before and I think he loved it. Every time I gave him a little, he would kick his legs and flail his arms like a mad man. Apparently if the food isn't on a spoon, he's fine with it!

My presents were a card and a purse. Colin also "made" me a picture at daycare. It's just a photo of him in a frame but it made me tear up. I love that kid more than anything. It's completely true that you don't know what true love is until you have a child.

Anyway, after our leisurely morning which included an epically long nap by Colin (and me!), we had lunch with my parents, my brothers and their families. I realized my family of 5 is now a family of 13. It's such a great feeling. We had some family drama the last couple years so it's nice to have everyone back together again. I love my family!