The art of compromise

It's not a surprise to those who know us personally but my husband and I are vastly different. He's a sports freak, I barely know what a touchdown is. He's tall, I'm short. He's witty, I take hours to figure out a joke.

But a big (OK, HUGE) difference we've been faced with this year is realizing that he's a bit of a hoarder. And I'm a minimalist. For example, his mom says she's bringing over "some books" from his childhood and we end up with almost an entire bookshelf filled with books, many of I've never even heard of but all he "absolutely loved" growing up.

So what's a wife to do with a hoarder on her hands? Immediately say "Get rid of everything!"? Well, that's my initial reaction. Not the best, I'll admit but it's the minimalist in me. He always begrudgingly abides, goes through the piles and gets rid of a lot. Then I end up feeling awful because I know it all has some kind of sentimental meaning to him - even if I don't understand why he kept a teddy bear that folds up in to a football...for over 20 years.

Then this morning it hit me.

I'm a hoarder, too. I just hoard in a different way. I hoard memories and traditions - specifically Thanksgiving and Christmas. I want each holiday to be exactly the same as the previous year. But, as life usually goes, each year is different. And I have to accept that. Just like I have to accept the piles of childhood memories that came with my husband.

That's where compromise comes in. Mark compromises by letting go of his childhood memories and I compromise by letting go of some of my traditions. I've come to realize that the important part of my traditions are that the people stay constant. Why should it matter if I have Thanksgiving lunch or dinner with my family? I'm satisfied just being with them on Thanksgiving.

As Colin grows up, I hope to teach him the art of compromise. He's got two great examples already. Mark will teach him how to take care of his favorite toys so he will have them to hand down to his son one day. And I will teach him how to take care of his favorite memories so he can continue creating those memories with his family through tradition.